ChronWatch: Mr. President, what is your reaction to the negative criticism you have received over the BP oil spill?
Obama: I don’t understand it at all. After all, I’ve made several speeches and trips to the Gulf Coast. I beat up on BP unmercifully. I personally and publicly insulted Tony Hayward. I forced BP to agree to a $20 billion fund without any legal basis at all. What else could I do?
ChronWatch: The public seems to think you should have acted to control the effects of the spill.
Obama: You’ve been listening to Bobby Jindal. Don’t forget he is a Republican. What do you expect him to say?
ChronWatch: Hayward apologized many times for the spill. He stated over and over that BP would do whatever it took to make things right for those affected. Do you think it was necessary to come down so hard on him publicly?
Obama: Those Brits give me a pain. They think they are so cool. That’s why I sent the Churchill statute back where it belongs. That Hayward guy is way so “Brit cool.” I enjoyed taking advantage of him. Does he really think that $20 million will be the end of it? I learned in Chicago that you kick’em real good while they’re down. Isn’t that what presidential power is all about?
To top it off, Henry Waxman and his fellow weasels pounded on Hayward again. No wonder he went back to London with his tail between his legs. We gave him a good mugging, that’s what.
ChronWatch: So, what is your next step on controlling the spill?
Obama: Now that we have flummoxed BP in every way possible, we can use the incident to stop all off shore drilling. That will really please the environmental groups. Also, I’ll make a couple dozen speeches connecting the spill to global warming. Maybe we can jam through cap and trade like we did health care.
ChronWatch: But, what about the spill?
Obama: Can you tell me what else there is to do? As far as I am concerned my work is done except for a few more speeches. Meanwhile, my cabinet and I can relax and have another snow cone. After that, I plan to get in a round of golf.
